school drop offs
This morning I dropped Kane off at Bay High for his second day of high school. As we were making breakfast together (French toast) I asked~
'You’ve got English today. Do you have to read Shakespeare?
He groaned. ‘Oh I’ve heard of that book, it sounds kinda annoying.’
I laughed. ‘Shakespeare is not a book. He's a writer, from the old days. Heard of Romeo & Juliet? There’s a movie? It’s actually amazing, we should watch it.’
‘Hmmmm. Maybe’.
‘It will be fun!’
‘Do you mean it will be fun in the same way you think cleaning is fun?
Anyway, yesterday we had to write a letter in English.’ He said. ‘I think I did well, I like writing more than reading.’
‘Maybe reading will give you ideas for writing’ I said brightly. Again, he didn’t look convinced.
I’ve been trying to encourage him to read since I moved in a few months ago. For Christmas I bought him a book I thought he’d like, one of the Horrible Histories ones. I hid $50 in it.
‘If you read it there’s a surprise in there’ I said.
He found the money but I dont think he’s made it through the book yet.
‘It’s not the most relaxing thing to read at night’ he said, and he’s got a point.
It’s an interesting thing to join the world of parenting at high school age. As I wrote about here, I never wanted to have kids. I found it difficult to understand why people did, which made me think there was something wrong with me, because if everyone thought like that humans would have died out a long time ago. And I love being alive, and I’m so grateful my parents decided to have me, even though they were a bit unsure as well. I just never felt any desire to create life.
Not having my own kids definitely makes things easier. I’m able to pour countless time into my business and now I’m able to devote more time to this new role of step-Mum (which still sounds so strange to me!). If someone had told me 18 months ago I’d be living with my partner and his 12 year old son I would have said absolutely no way. I didn’t want to live with anyone, let alone an almost teenager. It’s funny how things turn out.
I absolutely adore living with Rod and Kane. They make me laugh. We share every evening meal together around the solid wood table. I’m teaching Kane to make Mexican, his favourite. Kane has been incredibly open and loving towards me from the start and he is a joy to be around. I’ve never felt so loved, and I’ve never loved so much. As my responsibilities expand, my capacity expands. There is just more and more love. It never runs out.
(I’d just like to point out that I do very little when it comes to ‘parenting’. Taking Kane to school and cooking him breakfast is a rare occurrence. I’m usually teaching and out of the house most of the day, but I love these opportunities when they come. I’m in no way suggesting I know what it’s like to have children of my own, and even this little tiny taste makes me appreciate even more, all of the parents out there, especially my own Mum and Dad for all the sacrifices they made for us).
As I step into this role with increasing domestic duties I’ve been reflecting on the attitude I bring to everything. Things need to be done. That’s part of life. Food needs to be bought. Vegetables need to be watered. Dishes need to be washed. Clothes need to be hung out then put away again. Toilets need to be cleaned and floors swept. These things can either be done with resentment or gratitude. Every time I notice my rising resistance, usually at the supermarket when my hands hurt from carrying everything and there’s a huge line and my is brain saying ‘I could be at the beach right now’ I stop and ask myself a few questions.
Is anyone forcing you to do this?
Are you choosing to do this?
Why are you doing it?
What are you grateful for right now?
Then I remember, I want to do this. I’ve chosen to do this. I want to take care of the people I love, just like they take care of me. It brings me joy to take care of them. I want to work together in this team. Then I silently say thank you to all the people in the supermarket. I send love to the person in front of me with the screaming toddler. I say thank you to all the abundance that allows me to buy food, I say thank you to our beautiful Earth for providing all of this. I feel more peaceful.
The other day in class I was talking about how the mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master. There was a collective murmur and enthusiastic nodding.
A student stopped me.
‘The thing is’, she said, in a very matter of fact way.
‘I have this mind. And it just talks all day, from 5am until I go to sleep. It just never turns off.’
She looked at me.
‘What am I supposed to do about it?’
‘My mind does the same thing’ I said. ‘My mind is always talking. I think what’s changed over the years is I’m not so invested in the stories it tells me. Sometimes my mind is very useful. When I’m intentionally thinking about something I use my mind. It’s my servant. I’m thinking about these words, I’m using my mind to write them’
The issue is the unintentional thinking. The blah blah thoughts as one teacher calls them. If you stop reading and close your eyes for a moment you’ll notice these unintentional thoughts. You dont mean to think them. They are just there. If you believe every one of these thoughts, the mind is the master. And that’s not often helpful. These unintentional thoughts tend to be focused on what might go wrong, where we are failing, what we have to do, why we’re not good enough, all these ridiculous false assumptions about what other people think of us. Sometimes the blah blah thoughts are neutral, what am I going to cook for dinner, but often they get embroiled with emotion and turn negative.
When we practice yoga we are directing the mind in a specific way. As my teacher Rachel says we are taking a U-Turn. Yoga is asking ‘are you ready to follow something else other than the mind?’. If following the mind has got us here are we are suffering, are we ready to follow something else? This something else is open to interpretation. It could be nature, or energy, or God, or the universe, or the unseen, or joy, or gratitude, or the heart, or the way the full moon lights up the river.
It doesn’t really matter what the something else is. The question is important - what am I following? What am I believing? Are these thoughts making me happy? Who would I be if I didn’t believe these thoughts?
The other thing I’ve been thinking about recently is ‘there are less rules than you think’.
I am a 'business owner'. I've been running a successful yoga studio for over 5 years now. the studio has continued to thrive through some of the most challenging times we've ever seen. a year after I started the studio the Black Summer bushfires devastated our beautiful town. then a couple of months after that, March 2020 happened and the whole world flipped upside down.
In 2020/21 I held the studio together through multiple lockdowns, ever changing policies, the 'vaccine passport' shit show and a lot of criticism from all sides. when the first lockdown happened, all of my amazing teachers pivoted with grace and in less than 12 hours the whole studio was on Zoom. there was a certain charm to teaching from our living rooms with pets and children crawling all over us. when I reflect back on that time I'm so proud of myself and our team for staying in a place of openness, compassion, courage and deep kindness to everyone. my policy was and always will be to respect and honour everyones personal choices and hold all challenges and differences with love and openness. Here we are in 2024 and our community is stronger than ever.
‘There are less rules than you think’ is great advice. A lot of things you hear about running a business actually aren’t true. You dont need to have a five year plan, or even a five minute plan. You dont need any experience. You dont need money behind you. You dont need to do a business course. You dont need a marketing person or an accountant, not at first anyway. You can figure all this stuff out as you go. The way to do it is jump first, then assemble the parachute on the way down.
If you wait until you have all the necessary skills and experience, you will never start. The only thing you need is a passion for what you do and a willingness to work hard and be patient and trust before the evidence appears.
What would you do if you believed you couldn’t fail?
I’d love to hear.
Pluto has just shifted signs, from Capricorn to Aquarius and I dont really know what this means, but I have read it’s the start of a new 16 year cycle. I’m writing a longer Substack about this but for now I’d invite you to reflect on the following questions:
~ what were you doing in 2008?
~ what cycles were playing out?
~ what have you learned in the last 16 years, especially around power dynamics in relationships?
~ what feels like its ending to make way for new beginnings?
Sending you all oodles of love.